


From the atoms they left you

by yeahwrite



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Empurata, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Manipulation, Mutilation, PTSD, Self-Loathing, Trauma, secrecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahwrite/pseuds/yeahwrite
Summary: Something very bad happened to Atomizer - and no matter how much time has gone on since, the scars remain.As does a secret he swore he would never tell.That is, until he does.





	From the atoms they left you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MatrixDream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatrixDream/gifts).



> A very belated holiday gift, with the idea for it also being inspired by a great discussion with MatrixDream about a particular headcanon!
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading!

Atomizer ran into his room, desperately holding his face on.

Not even able to relax as it clicked shut, still hearing voices from the other side.

It had happened so fast.

One moment, he was just walking down a hall and the next some board surfing _idiot_ had collided straight into him, sending him _flying._

It had hurt like the pit, the collision itself, something even the one who hit him knew, quickly apologising and trying to see if he was okay.

But – of that, it wasn’t the pain that had been the worst of it.

Not at all.

He wished it were, that would have been much, _much_ better.

 

* * *

 

_It took a klik to realise what had even happened._

_One moment, he’d been making way to meet Getaway at Swerve’s bar and the next he was on the ground, feeling like he’d just been hit by a wrecking ball._

_A concerned voice sounding and people starting to crowd around._

_With a grimace, determined not to make any further spectacle of himself here, Atomizer tried to ignore all of that and push himself back off the ground._

_But, just as quickly as he’d started to look up, he froze in horror as he felt something slide._

_No._

_“I’m sorry, Brainstorm said it would stop! It was just supposed to be a bit of fun that- Are you okay?!”_

_No. No he wasn’t._

_He wasn’t at all._

_A latch might just have been broken by the hit._

_Nonononononono-_

_He couldn’t be seen like this, he couldn’t!_

* * *

 

Atomizer didn’t know what to do now, as he finally moved a covering hand to trace where the suspected damaged latch was.

Wanting to know for sure, if it was broken or, perhaps, just perhaps, he was lucky, and it had simply been _knocked off_ and only needed to be re-secured on to-

_“Frag it!”_

Broken. Completely.

This would be a very complicated and very delicate fix.

If he were to do it properly, it would not be a fast job.

Otherwise there was every horrible chance that the it would simply come off again – and perhaps that time, he wouldn’t be able to cover it up.

A scenario which was _not_ acceptable.

But-

With another bitter sound, Atomizer realised he didn’t even know if he’d gotten away with it this time.

Ran off into his room after a bad accident, clutching his face.

It was only a matter of time until someone high up overrode that door to check on him.

Leaving him with a crucial choice to make.

He could start try repairing the latch now, which would require him to take the whole thing off….and risk running out of time and having someone walking in on him like that.

Or, he could wait and risk someone looking too closely and noticing the truth anyway.

He needed to decide fast.

He didn’t have much time.

But…he…oh this was ridiculous!

Of all the serious things he’d had no bother deciding over only to be reduced to this frantic, despairing state now?!

He knew he should stop, this was below him – but he _couldn’t._

_He couldn’t._

 

* * *

 

“-think I should go get Ratchet-”

“No, no, don’t you worry at all, I’ll handle this.”

“I dunno, he was hit pretty hard-”

“Let me check on him first. He’s my friend, I should be able to find what’s wrong. Then, we’ll see if we should still get Ratchet. Don’t you think that’s a better plan, than potentially _needlessly_ taking the good doctor away from his _very_ important work?”

 

* * *

 

 

A knock on the door.

“Atomizer?”

Frozen silence.

Another knock.

“It’s _me_ here, care to let me in?”

“Go away” Atomizer muffled through his servos, cursing that he’d turned up too.

Made sense. Must have wondered why he didn’t show up at the meeting place and come looking. Just like _he_ would in his place.

Smart but awfully _inconvenient_ move.

“Aww, come on. The others have gone away. It’s just friends here. Whatever it is going on in there, you can trust _me_ about it. Promise I won’t tell.”

“That’s _sweet_ , but I’m _fine_. You can go away.”

“I think you know me well enough, to know I’m not going to fall for that.”

“I’m still better than that tacky design you call a decent paintjob.” Was snipped back, accompanied by the sound of a soft _scrape_ as a hold ever so slightly slipped.

“So, you’re somehow better than stunning and in perfect condition then?”

The pause that followed that statement just about served as an answer itself.

“Yeah. _Sure_. If that’s what opinion we’re going with.”

Just as how the unspoken ‘wrong’ here from the interior designer was also _scathingly_ apparent.

“Good to know you’re well enough then, to still have your wit about you.”

And the reply to it almost as dry in tone.

“I’m only trying to help here. I should also say, because it’s only fair of me to let you know, that if you don’t let _me_ in, they’re going to go get Ratchet. Just a warning. Me or him. Up to you who you trust more with this. Who you’d rather know.”

 

* * *

 

_It had come up on medical scans immediately, the very first time Ratchet had given one to Atomizer._

_The doctor had his suspicions during the check-up._

_Noticed small details, little things that had added up._

_He would hardly be a good medical practitioner, if he couldn’t notice such things._

_The scan had only confirmed those suspicions._

_Not that it mattered._

_This wasn’t hurting or causing any ailment to Atomizer, as far as he could tell._

_And the mech clearly wanted to keep this hidden, if the prosthetic was any indication._

_Which is why Ratchet had already decided within barely half a spark-beat to not mention the find to his waiting patient._

_Instead, simply, wordlessly, moving on to examining the rest of the scan._

_In case there actually was something elsewhere on it, that was at all important to him as a doctor._

* * *

 

Reluctantly, deciding that Ratchet finding out would likely be far worse, Atomizer opened the door for his actual friend.

A friend who came striding in, face a _picture_ of concern.

“What happened? What’s with the-?”

Getaway gestured at his own face, a futile move as Atomizer could not currently see around his hand.

“I dunno, hard to say, maybe I got _hit in the face_. Now you know. Are you done? We’ll talk later.” He replied irately, not having anywhere near as much patience as usual - having completed the deal and wanting to be left alone again.

 “Hit in the face? It looks more like you’re _holding_ it on- _ahhhh.”_

A tsk sound, as the fire coloured mech’s concerns only increased.

He couldn’t have guessed that fast…could he?!

“You are, aren’t you? Holding it on.”

Of course, he could.

The fire coloured mech was after all, talking to a member of the ‘diplomatic corps’.

Atomizer once again debated his options here – whether there was any point continuing trying to lie to a career spy or _not_.

He _could_ lie, he knew he could.

To most people.

He’d had experience before and he had experience now, with his and Getaway’s ongoing…plan.

But-

 _To_ Getaway?

“You never mentioned that to me before.”

No, there was no point was there?

And as he’d resolved when he’d decided to let him in, at least Atomizer knew he wouldn’t tell anyone _else_ about it.

“That would be because it’s none of anybody else’s business. Who would have thought.”

But even then, even with that confession, he would _not_ move his hand.

He could _know_ , but he was not getting to _see_.

He didn’t even want to see that himself, never mind have other people witness it.

Atomizer remembered full well what happened before when it _was_ on full display. Even if he didn’t want to.

When he _couldn’t_ hide it…his…his…

And that was something he would _never_ allow to happen again.

Even if he knew his friend would never do that to him – the processor just wasn’t _rational_ about things such as that.

“Bomp!” Came playfully then, along with a signature punch to the shoulder, before Getaway proceeded to loop his arm around both.

Atomizer, meanwhile, tensed.

“What was _that_ for?”

“You look like you need some good cheering up.”

“Wow. I’m suddenly cured. Watch me leap for joy. The bomp knows no bounds.”

“Well, I didn’t think it was going to work by itself.” Came out ever so mildly irate, before Getaway’s tone once again smoothed out into something more sympathetic.

“What was done to you was so _awful_ after all. A barbaric practice done by barbaric, insecure, weak mechs.”

Putting it _kindly._

Millions of years later and Atomizer’s own resentment for the Senator who had done this was no lesser.

He just tried not to think of it as often.

He did appreciate the insults from Getaway though, it was nice to here someone else actually _voicing_ his thoughts.

It…it was a tiny but nice, in a way.

Don’t get him wrong, most of this was utterly horrible and was _absolutely_ going to haunt him, bad memories being brought to the forefront and paranoia only being vindicated.

But…talking to someone…finally…

It almost felt like a bit of a bittersweet _relief._

Resulting in him finding himself subconsciously leaning that bit more into the side of the mech.

Making a grumbling, indistinct noise of agreement.

“And while I might not have been around back when it was place, I have heard of the sort of so-called _crimes_ they said justified it. Now, now – you don’t _have_ to say what you did, but _do_ know that _I_ know you didn’t deserve it.”

“It was over fragging decorating.” Atomizer spat out, vitriol bubbling over.

“ _Decorating!_ ”

 

* * *

 

 

_Atomizer’s face contorted in disgust, as soon as the door to it opened._

_Something he made no attempt to hide._

_The design was revolting._

_One of the most overtly gaudy things he’d ever been forced to have the displeasure to see._

_Clashing colours and patterns galore, with each piece of furniture having some new sort of look-at-me loud design on it that completely went against the one right next to it._

_And the textures._

_Smooth, sleek metal with that sort of crystalline arrangements?!_

_It made the arrangements look more like litter that had accidentally been dumped, as opposed to the beautiful display it should have been – would have been, with even slightly better design co-ordination._

_He almost felt bad for the inanimate objects._

_This whole display made his engine churn._

_There were probably rooms in the lower sector of Kaon which looked better than this Senator’s._

_“So, what do you think?” The Senator, meanwhile, chipperly said, gesturing at the trashpit of a room._

_“What do I think?” Atomizer repeated back incredulously, having believed the answer to that somewhat obvious with the blatant look he was giving._

_“Yes. This is the sort of theme I would like you to use for the new building. Do you think someone of your skill level could successfully pull that off?” Plating flared out as the Senator took a decided turn of snooty._

_Did he think Atomizer shared his obscene level of obliviousness, so as to not pick up the drawl on ‘your skill level’?_

_“You want my honest opinion?”_

_Had this been anyone else, he would already have given it five times over._

_He did not want to be dishonest – as his client deserved every ounce of honesty he desperately wanted to give - but this client was a Senator, and while able to gloriously, abundantly pay they were also a very dangerous lot._

_He was not an idiot enough to not politely ask before tearing this one a new one._

_“Of course! Honesty’s what you were brought in for. Say whatever’s on your processor.” The Senator preened._

_Well then._

_If he had that sort of approval…who was he to, hold back?_

_Atomizer let of a snort._

_“Your taste is too tacky for my skill level.” He flicked out an arm to vaguely gesture at the everything._

_“If you don’t want your soiree to induce nausea in the tanks of everybody around, we’re going to need to scrap this whole aesthetic. Now, not to worry, I think I can salvage this, the crystal arrangement especially is promising if we can match it with a better- what?”_

_Atomizer looked, startled at the Senator who had suddenly grabbed one of his arms._

_Noticing fast that the Senator’s expression was…well…_

_Like one who had not appreciated honesty._

_“Don’t look at it like that. It’s better than anything you’ll ever design.”_

_So, he had picked up on the expression by now then._

_Finally._

_“You asked for honesty, Senator. I gave it. Your aesthetic is a disaster.” He looked back out at it._

_“I can help, there are some redeemable aspects, but we’re still going to take this apart and see what we have to work w-”_

_Arm yanked much harder, veering the interior designer off-balance._

_“I said don’t look at it like that!”_

_It was that precise moment, one that Atomizer could pin down even by the time the war that was to come had ended, that shock and bemusement had first started to colour into a very real fear._

 

* * *

 

“Last time I designed anything for a senator.”

“Last time for a long while I designed much for anybody! Walking around with a big sign to shun me. Nobody would employ me and when nobody would employ me, I started running out of money and when that happened-” Atomize took a deep vent, everything coming spilling out now.

Among other things, he’d had to start a _new_ occupation so as not to starve.

Or worse.

And he’d found, with that occupation, that certain sorts of _equipment_ only _required_ one optic.

And he’d gotten _awful_ good at using it, even before the war had started.

As he had turned into something else.

Some _one_ else.

Because there was simply no other way he could survive what happened at all.

 “They took _everything_ from me. They left me with _nothing_. I had to start from _scratch_ and make something in a society which didn’t even see me-”

“As a person.” Getaway finished.

“I understand.” A shake on the gripped shoulder.

“After all, MTOs weren’t really seen as people either. Sure, they _said_ we were but there’s a difference between _saying_ a thing is true and it _being_ true…wouldn’t you agree?”

The assassin did.

“They expect nothing of the lot of us, except to bow down to incompetent leaders and do what we’re told. But, that’s where you and I diverge from those expectations Atomizer. Because even when given nothing, when seen as nothing – we’re both _go-getters_. We go get what they don’t want to give.” Getaway spoke with increasing vigour as this went on, shifting about restlessly and pulling his wayward companion around with him as he did.

“And we don’t bow down to incompetent leaders.”

 _No_.

_Never again._

_Incompetent or corrupt._

He would rather die than be complacent in-

 “Speaking of….” Getaway abruptly loudly chimed up, before his body just as abruptly stilled altogether.

“I know that this is traumatic for you and you have a lot on your mind, as said I completely understand… _but_ , this isn’t going to make you lose focus is it? On our…other, little project.”

The only reason the answer to that question was not immediate, was because Atomizer was stunned to have even have to be _asked it._

Surely his friend did not think him so fickle about such important a cause?!

“ _No_. Of course not. I would _never!_ ”

“Good!” Getaway said cheerily, before giving a last couple of affectionate pats to his friend and then detaching entirely.

“Well, I best leave you to sort things out then, shouldn’t I? I won’t bother you any longer. I can tell you’re wanting some privacy.”

Well, _yes_.

Hence why he’d retreated away to somewhere _private_.

Until his friend had then demanded to be let in and this whole reassuring conversation-questioning thing had happened.

“Yeah, that _was_ why I went somewhere private...”

 “Well, I won’t keep you any longer then, will I?”

A final _“bomp!_ ”.

“We’ll talk more later. And no need to worry, I won’t let anyone else come bother you here. You have my _promise_.”

_Swoosh._

_Click._

Now he did have a privacy.

He could hopefully try salvage the latch now.

A needed task and distraction.

But even still, just in case, he still waited until the last sounds of steps became too distant to hear.

Only then, did Atomizer finally move his hand and fully take off his face.


End file.
